Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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