I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
