I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
