Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
