You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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