Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
how does that bad decision feel?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
