I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
