I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
