I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
