Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
