"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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