u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
