this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
