I feel like abortions should bother me more
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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