and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
