Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
