Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
