Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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