The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
