I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
