i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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