No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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