dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I could fuck to npr.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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