Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
