i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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