I want to walk on stilts...naked
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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