Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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