so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
