just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
