So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
