Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Is it because I queefed?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
