This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
