id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
false alarm. still invincible.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
