Duck Duck Cougar?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
