i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
