oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
