So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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