Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
