brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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