doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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