even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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