Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
