your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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