We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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