i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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