just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
