obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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