Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
