God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
