kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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