even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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