Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
